In Her Own Words: Redefining The Intimacy In My Relationship Postpartum

In Her Own Words: Redefining The Intimacy In My Relationship Postpartum

We are so excited to introduce you to the experiences real people are having- in their own words! At Vital, we are actively working to reduce the stigma around pelvic health, and with the help of our brave clientele, we have started a series of “client experience” blogs in addition to our regular educational material. It is our hope that through sharing these experiences we can encourage both conversation and community. Navigating pelvic health conditions often feels isolating- we want you to know that YOU ARE NOT ALONE!

Please note that this is one person’s experience and should not be taken as medical advice. If you have any questions about your personal experience, please seek the help of an experienced health care professional and your pelvic health physiotherapist!

Guest Blog Contributed By: Alana Kayfetz, founder of MomsTO

If you are anything like me, it has been WAY TOO long since the last time you did “it”.

Well, we did! And it was great! 

Between having a baby in our bed, suckling around the clock, being completely exhausted all of the time, feeling as un-sexy as ever and feeling like my libido ran away as soon as baby number two hit, this is as close to a miracle as one could experience.

My husband and I like sex, especially with each other. I would go as far as saying that it is a crucial part of our lives together and our marriage. It has been on hold for a variety of the reasons outlined above.

We have had a few intimate moments in the past few months, but nothing like this. This is what made this “lovemaking session” so different and important.

In June, we were talking Father’s Day and on MomsTO, we were featuring “amazing men”- those who go above and beyond daddying, and Father. Up. Hard! I would say my husband falls into this category. He does the toddler care, almost exclusively for the last few months. He is my rock and my redeemer. I am not bragging- this is just the truth. Matt is a great role model for our son, and did I mention, he is a retired 5-star chef- he does 99% of our family meals and prep.

So the least I could do is to make love to him. It took planning, and support, but we did it and I plan on ensuring we bring the sexy back into our weekly routine.

I kept waiting for the right moment to make it happen. Like Rhonda Katz says, “If you just wait for it to happen, it most likely never will- sex with your partner takes thoughts and planning.”

So- I am sharing my Coles Notes – “big girl panties” approach to planning sex. Here is what it took for me (in no particular order):

  • Saw a pelvic health physiotherapist for 6 weeks (Thank you Julie
  • Hired a babysitter
  • Planned a day date
  • Bought medical grade lubricant (Vital to the rescue) 
  • Told him my intention
  • Relaxed with some wine and a hot tub
  • Kissed a lot
  • took a lot of deep breaths throughout (again, a Vital secret!) 

And boom, excellent sex.

So we are not 21 years old horndogs that can do it at the drop of a dime anymore. We require some more planning and thought. I look forward to the day we can just drop our pants and get it on without thought but for now, this is just what it takes.

The truth was I was scared I was broken, and that my sex life was going to be dead in the water. This got me thinking that my marriage would end as a result of a sexless life. These two factors alone could scare you into a complete crazy-making panic. This usually signals the time to book a vacation and have “vacation sex” but I realized this is not sustainable. We need to have “vacation sex” all of the time. I am glad I am not “broken,” and I fully intend to continue to carve out the time to take care of my marriage, myself and my spouse as much as possible.

Founder of MomsTO, Alana Kayfetz is the ultimate community builder, connector, networking maven, and mom boss! She is a seasoned event and marketing professional with years of experience under her belt. After having her first child, Alana looked for ways to connect with other moms and didn’t exactly find something her speed. Alana started running monthly mommy day time socials and get-aways to Prince Edward County Wine Country. Before she even realized, MomsTO was born – reinventing maternity and motherhood forever. In her spare time, she raises 2 little humans in Toronto.
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